Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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