He uses pillows to masturbate.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
