I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
