I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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