it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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