It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
