Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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