mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
