I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize