I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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