You're completely useless in the revolution.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize