Nicole vs. Life
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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