So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
