fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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