He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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