3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
