This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
