you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
