Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
