My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
