I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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