Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
