I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
