I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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