drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
