I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
