dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
