So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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