Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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