Me too!
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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