Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
