Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize