i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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