Sry I called you an 8
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
