you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
