I got chris browned last night
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
