my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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