Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
