Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
