508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Two words: blizzard sex
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
