I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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