it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
