So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
