Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
