Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
