dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
