Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
