shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize