my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
