you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
