All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
