rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize