Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
