my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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