Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
