is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
