Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
