I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
