The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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