When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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