It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
