A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
