Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
