I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
