tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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