is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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