god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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