At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
