We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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