im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
