sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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