You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
