yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
