WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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