drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
