I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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