If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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