saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
