i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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