Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
