wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
