Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
