I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
