Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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