Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I look better un-naked...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
