Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
