It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize