The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
